It takes a particular kind of skill to write a song that somehow offends fat people AND thin people at the same time (I'll leave it to you to guess which category I fall under), while at the same time being objectively offensive on a creative level because the melody is exactly the same as your last single. My brain is offended, Mika, that you didn't think I'd spot that, or perhaps just assumed that it wouldn't bother me. BUT THAT WAS YOUR BIG MISTAKE, MIKA, IF THAT IS IN FACT YOUR REAL NAME. (Wikipedia confirms it is, or thereabouts. Just checking.)
So, the central conceit of this song, in case you're having trouble keeping up, is that big girls are beautiful. And in these days of size zero and the terrifying concept that is "thinspiration", obviously that's a very laudable and positive message. Except, apparently, big girls all feel hugely ashamed of themselves and spend all day thinking about what total heifers they are (we can't help thinking Beth Ditto would have a counter-argument of some sorts to go with this, somehow) - until Mika comes along and reminds them that they are beautiful to HIM. Because it all comes back to Mika, remember?
Since his first hit was little more than one of those annoying customer satisfaction surveys ("why don't you like me? Why don't you like me? Why don't you walk out the door? Please choose from the following options. Tick 10 for strongly agree, five for neither agree nor disagree, one for strongly disagree.") and largely a tiresome piece of navel-gazing about all the other famous people he thinks he's as good as, and his second hit reminded us that whether we're enjoying the day we're having or not, the most important thing by far is that WE ALL LOVE MIKA, I'm sort of sensing a theme here. I still can't quite work out if this is the work of a raging egomaniac or the world's most insecure person. It's the same feeling I get whenever I read a news story about Robbie Williams.
The verse lyrics are frankly bizarre ("walks into the room/feels like a big balloon...Diet Coke and a pizza please/Diet Coke and I'm on my knees"), to the extent where I spent most of the song cringing out of sheer embarrassment for him. And there doesn't appear to be a second verse, he just repeats the first one again - presumably so you can make sure you weren't going crazy, and you really did hear what you thought you heard the first time. Then the chorus kicks in, which is 'Love Today' redux to the point where you'll find yourself singing the wrong lyrics over it, and musically, the whole thing's a bloody shambles.
And then there's The Message. Like I said, the sentiment's fine but it's so clumsily and narcissistically delivered as to be - and here's that word again, for those of you keeping score - offensive (it puts me in mind of Little Britain's Marjorie Dawes, being all "you're all attractive in your own way aren't you, fatties?").
Oh, and I mentioned it was offensive to thin people too - perhaps less egregiously so, but the sentiment that only someone who's the equivalent of four regular women (because BIG GIRLS all have BIG PERSONALITIES and an INSATIABLE HUNGER FOR LIFE, according to my Oxford Compendium of Weight-Based Stereotypes) is enough to satisfy Mika is kind of gross.
Thin people have feelings too, y'know. The entire thing is so ridiculous that I just cannot take this song seriously at all, and the sad thing is that I think Mika does, at least partially. It makes 'Baby Got Back' look like a Judith Butler essay on gender politics, and there's a sentence I truly never expected to write.
Since his first hit was little more than one of those annoying customer satisfaction surveys ("why don't you like me? Why don't you like me? Why don't you walk out the door? Please choose from the following options. Tick 10 for strongly agree, five for neither agree nor disagree, one for strongly disagree.") and largely a tiresome piece of navel-gazing about all the other famous people he thinks he's as good as, and his second hit reminded us that whether we're enjoying the day we're having or not, the most important thing by far is that WE ALL LOVE MIKA, I'm sort of sensing a theme here. I still can't quite work out if this is the work of a raging egomaniac or the world's most insecure person. It's the same feeling I get whenever I read a news story about Robbie Williams.
The verse lyrics are frankly bizarre ("walks into the room/feels like a big balloon...Diet Coke and a pizza please/Diet Coke and I'm on my knees"), to the extent where I spent most of the song cringing out of sheer embarrassment for him. And there doesn't appear to be a second verse, he just repeats the first one again - presumably so you can make sure you weren't going crazy, and you really did hear what you thought you heard the first time. Then the chorus kicks in, which is 'Love Today' redux to the point where you'll find yourself singing the wrong lyrics over it, and musically, the whole thing's a bloody shambles.
And then there's The Message. Like I said, the sentiment's fine but it's so clumsily and narcissistically delivered as to be - and here's that word again, for those of you keeping score - offensive (it puts me in mind of Little Britain's Marjorie Dawes, being all "you're all attractive in your own way aren't you, fatties?").
Oh, and I mentioned it was offensive to thin people too - perhaps less egregiously so, but the sentiment that only someone who's the equivalent of four regular women (because BIG GIRLS all have BIG PERSONALITIES and an INSATIABLE HUNGER FOR LIFE, according to my Oxford Compendium of Weight-Based Stereotypes) is enough to satisfy Mika is kind of gross.
Thin people have feelings too, y'know. The entire thing is so ridiculous that I just cannot take this song seriously at all, and the sad thing is that I think Mika does, at least partially. It makes 'Baby Got Back' look like a Judith Butler essay on gender politics, and there's a sentence I truly never expected to write.
