Did Tom Brady lose the Super Bowl for the Patriots because he was, um, hungover? That would suck for Brady and Patriot fans, no? To lose that epic game because dude's a liquor pig? Well, that's the story from one Arizona source.
According to one Arizona-based web-site, Brady was out until all hours the night before the Super Bowl, drinking heavily at a Lewis Black stand-up show and then moving on to an 'adult nightclub' where he may or may not have been involved in an incident involving an exotic dancer named, um, Brutus Buckeye:
Saturday night before the biggest game of Brady's life (Brady) is reported as interupting a Lewis Black stand-up routine by yelling, "19-0, bitches! Perfect season, bitches!" as soon as Black's intro-music (AC/DC Back in Black) was finished.
Black, at first unaware of the heckler's identity played with him coyly, giving him the "Hsssh" finger and enlisting support from other members of the audience. "What is in town this weekend? The FBR Open, Barrett Jackson and the fucking Superbowl. All of that and who gets the heckling asshole? Lewis Black, that's who," he muttered with signature jowels wagging.
After another outburst where Brady simply slurred, "I'm a rich asshole. I'm a golfer," a crowd member identified the heckler as Tom Brady at which point Black ordered him another "special" cocktail, which he had personally delivered before wishing Tom well in tomorrow's big game. On Brady's next heckle security escorted him out after which Black explained that he had dosed Brady's drink with 500 mics of LSD, almost 5 times the average dose. Black ended the show with, "Take that to your bookie!"
What occurred next in Brady's evening is unclear, though a car matching his rented Mercedes was involved in a sherriff report at Phoenix adult nightclub The Candy Store, but no complaint was filed with the driver of the vehicle and an exotic dancer named Brutus Buckeye.
As rumors of Brady's previous night antics spread through internet chat boards, Vegas odds-men were scrambling to cover the millions of dollars being bet on the New York Giants as point spreads tumbled.
Sources also say that he was two hours late for Sunday's pre-game team meeting, and that he arrived wearing the same clothes that he had been wearing the night before. Even Dr. Drew of Celebrity Rehab fame was driven to comment.
Dr. Drew Pinsky, host of VH1 program Celebrity Rehab commented, "You can see the signs of drug use between the three-and-out stalled drives. The redness in his eyes, general nervousness in the pocket, the over-thrown passes. I would hope that Tom is aware of our Pasadena rehab center where he could share in treatment with the likes of Chyna and Daniel Baldwin..."
Tom Brady the next Daniel Baldwin? TOO. F*CKING. FUNNY. Or at least it would be, if it all weren't so sad for Patriots fans.
